Liveblog – Celebrity Big Brother – Monday 4th January on Channel 4
9:56:51 PM: All geared up for tonights #cbb7 highlights! Recapper is me, Kev. Looking forward to seeing Barney again! http://tinyurl.com/ybuxfhg
10:00:24 PM: I wonder how the BB producers will try and explain away the mini task fiasco? #cbb7
10:03:28 PM: One advert to go! Come on, I need the brainless losers now!
10:03:58 PM: FACT: Stephen Baldwin made a movie called “Shark in Venice”. Or in the UK, “Sharks in Venice”.
10:04:15 PM: Love the idents this time. #cbb7
10:05:13 PM: In comes Barney! He didn’t slide down the banisters :(
10:05:51 PM: The house looks like my dead nans house.
10:06:18 PM: Tuck in, Stephen! Instead of eating food, he reads the rule book.
10:06:36 PM: Nicola introduces herself, and says the brilliantly inventive phrase “OH MA GOD!”.
10:07:01 PM: Barney proclaims the house is “a little creepy”. Yep. “This is mental” says Nic.
10:07:57 PM: Nicola asks Stephen what he does. SHE HASN’T SEEN SHARKS IN VENICE.
10:09:41 PM: Aww, Nicola is quite nice. Next housemate in: Alex Reid, Jordan’s boyfriend. He looks like he works in IT and he’s on a night out.
10:10:40 PM: “Stephen BALDWIN, yeah” he explains to Alex. Yeah.
10:11:38 PM: Stephanie’s in. She’s said nothing of interest. “Booze?” she asks. She doesn’r get the concept.
10:12:18 PM: “You’re a sort of page 3 sexy thing. You’re a christian.” says Steph. “What do you represent?”
10:13:36 PM: I keep expecting Stephen Baldwin to talk about sharks again. This is confusing me like my sexuality.
10:14:04 PM: And the keys on corn beef tins. They’re mental. Adbreak, time for a brew.
10:17:22 PM: Steph has a no nonsense approach. Nic is playing dumb.
10:18:01 PM: Here comes Sov! Bet she regrets those sunglasses now. Can’t see a thing!
10:19:19 PM: “Are you a Republication?”. “No. Obama’s horrible.”
10:19:46 PM: Oh man, he just declared Obama’s presidency a disaster.
10:20:20 PM: In comes Sisqo. He keeps having to correct his cap so it’s almost falling off.
10:20:55 PM: Just to clarify, Baldwin is the non-Republican who hates Obama.
10:21:16 PM: Dane Bowers is in. Alex is grinning at him like a cat on E.
10:22:27 PM: Dane has a massive bruise! They’re talking about the bruise. Dane claims it wasn’t between Alex and him. Alex agrees.
10:23:16 PM: Heidi’s in. She looks like a furry rug with a face painted on.
10:24:34 PM: “I’ve never had kids. Thank god for abortion” – Heidi. Ha!
10:26:07 PM: Basshunter’s in. He’s in the general pretty business.
10:27:22 PM: Ronny’s ex girlfriend (?!?!?) is in. She’s in the general pretty biz too.
10:27:56 PM: And last up, Vinnie Jones. He lives on Mullholland.
10:28:40 PM: Steph’s trying to explain her character’s Dynasty plot. Her character fell off a bannister apparently.
10:29:35 PM: Our celebs are just about shitting themselves at the thought of having to a task. Come on, it’s BB you morons!
10:30:24 PM: We’re half way through the highlights show and we haven’t even reached the end of what we say last night…
10:30:32 PM: Saw.
10:32:41 PM: Vinnie gets out and reseats his hat. Alec reseats his wig… I mean, hair.
10:34:42 PM: I like them all so far. Even, I suspect, politically insane Barney.
10:35:15 PM: Will I hate some of them by the end of the episode? I can say one thing for sure: Nic knows playing dumb can win you the show.
10:37:42 PM: People keep asking Jonas (Basshunter) what he does. “I’m a pretty boy!” he needs to reply.
10:38:42 PM: #cbb7: Heidi explains she is Adelle DeWitt from #Dollhouse
10:40:00 PM: There was some sort of slogan in the ident…
10:40:23 PM: “Are you in trouble?” somebody asks Barney. “I hope so!” he screetches.
10:42:05 PM: Baldwin is camper than David Walliams.
10:43:40 PM: Nobody is impressed by two bottles of champers between, what, 12 people. And rightly so.
10:44:36 PM: Vinnie likes a cup of tea first thing in the morning. He’s gotta be on odds on to win at this point, he’s the Terry of this year.
10:46:10 PM: Alex thinks he is “probably” on some of the smaller channels every night. I’ve never seen him before. I’m not complaining, by the way.
10:47:15 PM: Ron’s ex and Jonas are bonding. What is Ron’s ex’s name? Does anybody care but me? Yes. I fancy her.
10:49:50 PM: Barney is having a rant about how women’s breasts are in the papers here. It breaks my heart to admit but, but I agree with him.
10:50:37 PM: It’s the Evian dancing babies advert! They all look so much more talented than the housemates.
10:52:55 PM: #cbb7 liveblog of the highlights! http://tinyurl.com/ybuxfhg
10:55:21 PM: It amuses me Stephen (Barney for the rest of you) assumes he will be in the house in 3 weeks time.
10:55:35 PM: I wonder how long it will take housemates to realise Soz is gay?
10:55:49 PM: Is it Soz or Sor? Do I care?
10:56:06 PM: Oh god, Barney is doing the Serenity prayer.
10:57:41 PM: New diary room voice! He sounds… wrong.
10:57:54 PM: Actually sounds a bit like Darth Brother.
11:00:53 PM: Vinnie is not interested in the housemates. Either am I!
11:03:02 PM: Note to Vinnie: X-Men 3 production budget was $210 million, not $100 million.
11:08:19 PM: And that’s a wrap. The show ended with the highlight of Barney leaving his mic under an automated shutter, so it got crushed.
11:08:43 PM: I’ve got a feeling that if Barney can stick to the middle ground, he could be in with a shot of winning.
11:09:14 PM: Intelligence in a winner is optional (and not preferred).
11:09:24 PM: End Of Show, out!