Bulletin Bored  – May 08 

Time for our monthly look at the swear-fest that is the Ofcom Broadcast Bulletin, the broadcasting watchdog’s publication of their reaction to all viewer complaints.  

My favourite rule breaks are those committed by ‘adult’ channels, as the dry technicality of the language used by Ofcom can be rather arousing. Check out this premium word action on a breach by Turn On TV’s Early Bird programme; 

“A viewer complained that the presenter on Early Bird programme broadcast in the early morning was shown rubbing her crotch over a pair of skimpy knickers and tweaking and blowing on her nipples to make them erect.” 

Phwoar! 

Questioning why the viewer was watching the morning programme on Turn On TV if they were so incensed by it is liable to make heads explode so we’ll leave that alone.  

TOT respond that the presenter was ‘absent mindedly scratching herself’ and was not doing it for titillation. They also say that the actions were ‘saucy’ but not explicit, and Ofcom largely agrees, having studied the tapes in detail and finding not even a smidgeon of morning wood.  

Geena Davis’ The American President is slightly less offensive than Early Bird, there’s no nipple rubbing here, just a few fucks, of the vocal variety I might add. Three fucks at five to three do not make Ofcom happy, and they chide UKTV Gold under the offensive language rule. Likewise Blackpool Medics which has a fat cunt at half past seven. I don’t know – nipples, fucks and a cunt and we’re only three decisions in! 

The actual rule on swearing before the watershed is thus : “the most offensive language must not be broadcast before the watershed or when children are particularly likely to be listening”. For radio (except the lucky old BBC who have their own rules and are wont to take their ball home if Ofcom get sniffy with them) there is no watershed at all, it’s a leftover from the war years when little Johnny should be able to sit up til 3am listening to updates on homeland security without John Snagg effing and blinding throughout. The ‘most offensive language’ stuff is based on Ofcom’s own research which rates ‘fuck’ and ‘cunt’ and all variations as the most offensive.  

Elsewhere on the bulletin 

Dawn from Big Brother 6 was fairly treated by Channel 4, even though they called her a smelly cheat. Seems fair to me…